Tad Ashlock mengirim ke alt.comics.dilbert, menyampaikan oneline favorit dari koleksi Dilbert sepanjang 2004. Enjoy!
- 2004-01-30 The goal of public relations is to taint the
jury pool. We’ll show that the victims had it coming.
- 2004-02-02 Excuse me while I beat myself with my keyboard.
- 2004-02-04 Whenever I talk to you, I feel like I should be
wearing a wire.
- 2004-02-05 Never listen to your customers. They were dumb
enough to buy your product, so they have no credibility.
- 2004-02-12 I’m a writer for “Morons on Parade” magazine.
Do you mind if I ask you some questions?
- 2004-02-13 You made the cover of “Morons on Parade.”
- 2004-02-22 GAAA!!! My despair has turned into a searing
psychological pain!!! OW! OW! OW!
- 2004-03-04 The new dress code is “winged monkey.”
- 2004-03-08 This week I achieved unprecedented levels of
unverifiable productivity. I made phone calls, built
consensus, displayed leadership, attended meetings and set
- 2004-04-07 I’ve added mumbling and peevishness to my
work-avoidance arsenal. I get the benefits of appearing
knowledgeable without the burden of sharing.
- 2004-04-12 The association of doughnut makers asked me to
prove that skinny people can’t go to heaven.
- 2004-05-09 Man-duh-tory
- 2004-05-24 Our office was designed with the science of feng
- 2004-05-29 If we skip design, prototype, testing and
manufacturing, we can afford the product recall.
- 2004-06-03 The Fertiliar
- 2004-06-04 I summon the dark demon of ineffective
management to smite the person who wants this decision!!!
- 2004-06-07 I declare this a pants-optional zone.
- 2004-06-11 May I point out that he has never produced
anything except arrogance and noise?
- 2004-06-19 A death spiral goes clockwise north of the
- 2004-06-20 The whatchamacallit has to be whatever or else
the whosits will go hey-hey.
- 2004-06-20 I love my coworkers, until they talk.
- 2004-07-13 You’re not allowed to lie, but I expect plenty
of omissions, misdirections, exaggerations, unjustified
optimism, lost documents, unclear explanations, gray areas
and tactical ignorance.
- 2004-07-19 Allow me to respond by hacking a hairball in
- 2004-07-27 It’s multi-level marketing plus a diet plan
suggested by the bible!
- 2004-08-05 My voice mailbox is full, and my spam filter
rejects all incoming e-mail. As soon as I build up a good
load of ear wax, I’ll be off the grid.
- 2004-08-14 Were you correct that your superior intelligence
makes you a superb negotiator?
- 2004-08-15 That’s our insurance company. They’ve been
- 2004-08-22 M.T.T.S.F. — Mean Time To Story Failure
- 2004-08-26 I always wondered what efficiency looked like.
- 2004-08-27 When I said cheaper, I meant more fun.
- 2004-08-28 Now if you’ll excuse me, I feel a nap coming on.
- 2004-09-06 Before you decide, look at this DVD titled, “Is
Bribery Right for You?” The narrator might refer to you by
name when she dances.
- 2004-09-16 If you hire me, I will use my enormous brain to
develop world-changing products. I require no pay and no
cubicle. I will eat used paper, and cling to the ceiling.
- 2004-09-18 I’m having an unpleasant realization.
- 2004-09-23 Sometimes I have naughty thoughts during work
hours. Should I reimburse the company for lost
- 2004-10-19 Is it possible that I’m oblivious to my effect
- 2004-10-20 I’ll pair you with someone whose social defect
will cancel out your own.
- 2004-10-22 Can a business-led project management process
optimize our strategic core issues?
- 2004-10-23 It’s his own fault for not paying me enough to
- 2004-10-27 Do you want the simple but misleading
explanation or the one you won’t understand?
- 2004-10-28 Something that you could never comprehend
conflicts with something that you’d never understand.
- 2004-11-01 How about a nanotechnology stem cell for
- 2004-11-03 My philosophy is that anything worth doing is
- 2004-11-08 Once you embrace the idea that your customers
deserve to die… it frees your mind to invent splendidly
- 2004-11-09 Warning! This product will kill you but that’s
okay because it tastes great!
- 2004-11-12 Now rationalize your decision, you mindless pink
- 2004-11-14 This one goes in the scrapbook.
- 2004-11-20 Your biggest defect continues to be your
inability to handle criticism. And you argue with people
who are much smarter than yourself.
- 2004-11-21 I wonder if it’s called whistling when only air
- 2004-11-29 Call me shallow, but I enjoy getting paid for
other people’s inventions.
- 2004-12-13 I’m going to ram my fist down your throat, grab
your pants and turn you inside out.
- 2004-12-25 Do you want the ten-minute explanation of why
the data are useless, or a simple “here you go”?
- 2004-12-27 My philosophy is that anything worth doing is
- 2004-12-27 A character flaw isn’t a philosophy.
- 2004-12-30 Do you have any more questions like that one?